What Happens When the Honeymoon Phase is Over: Some Tips To Liven Up A New Beginning!

Male depression is often related to failure in relationships. Before looking into family or relationship counseling, there are a few things to bear in mind!

Many of us relate the idea of love to something we saw in a Disney film.

Exciting, consistently rich and thick confessions (often verbal) of love, dramatic (in the moment) sacrifice, fierce unconditional commitment, constant mutual support if not utter coddling, and of course, the perfect setting, i.e. just when you notice the moon is right and your eyes meet, fireflies emerge from the bushes to facilitate that one sweet kiss!

Truth Be Told…

Of course, our relationships can be all the things mentioned above (except maybe the bit with the fireflies), but it is important to bear in mind that the lives we live often throw curveballs at us.

Sometimes, we might not have the energy to make grandiose gestures. At times like these, it is important to be accepting and understanding of each other and each other’s humanity!
The second thing to remember is that the honeymoon period is not meant to last. Further, its end does, by no means, signify the end of the relationship; rather a transition into something more grounded and dare we say, real!

What does one do with that?

What do all organisms to do ensure survival?

They evolve!

The same can be said here. If the honeymoon period is finally over, you don’t toss the relationship…you evolve! You readjust!

Here are just some tried and tested ways to get you started!

Don’t freak out

Just because the relationship is changing form does not mean it is falling apart. Deal with whatever changes coming your way with an open mind.

If someone who has always been blown away by you suddenly expresses a grievance, take it for what it is.

A minor point of contention, not a signal that your relationship is in peril! Similarly, people in long term relationships will and do bicker every now and then and that is fine and not a cause to freak out.

We often avoid a lot of needless distress and conflict by being mindful as opposed to addressing things from a place of panic!

A Re-courting of Sorts

When was the last time the two of you just got some time away together?

When was the last time you tried out a new activity or even had a conversation without taking the other and their opinions for granted?

Make the effort (yes, effort) to get involved with each other again. People change and maybe there are things about your partner that have changed and you have yet to hear about!

The most relatable comparison is the effort you make when courting someone. The devotion with which we delve into the lives and minds of new romantic interests! Use some of those skills on your partner!

One of the biggest misconceptions among couples is that we don’t need to keep working on those we love and what we share with them. Take your partner out, actually hear what they are saying and make the effort to be appreciative, caring and intimate as you would with someone you just met and were attracted to!

Be kind to yourself

Yes, this might sound overrated but it is extremely important to be kind to yourself.

If you need space or time alone, don’t grudge yourself a day off where you and your partner just take time to reconnect with the things you used to enjoy before you got together! This will help you feel more at ease, and give you both something to talk about when you are around each other.

No Shame in Counseling

The pointers above are just a few ways in which you could revive the excitement and love in your relationship post the honeymoon period.

This being said, at times, despite our best efforts we seem to have trouble reconnecting. Often this has a lot to do with how we are conditioned to communicate which is where counseling comes in!

Azizeh E. Rezaiyan provides couples therapy to facilitate discourse and conflict resolution between partners.

With an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy and being a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), she draws upon a deep understanding of family dynamics as well a number of tools and methods with which to work with the same.


Family Therapy: What’s It’s All About

Counseling and therapy is something that has grown in popularity in recent years, mainly because more and more people are beginning to understand its usefulness as well as a reduction in the stigma associated with seeking emotional health support.

There are those who are unclear about the advantages of family therapy. We’re going to skim over different types of family therapy as well as when it may be needed in this blog, to provide more clarity to the curious reader!

Who Needs It?

Family therapy can be sought by anyone who feels it is needed. That being said, there are some situations where the same comes highly recommended. These may include a breakdown in communication at home, disproportionate emotional reactions, loss of a family member that has triggered prolonged grief and abuse among others.

What Good Is It?

For starters, family therapy provides a safe space for all members to express, discuss and negotiate their respective grievances while being moderated by a trained professional.

This gives room for families with help from their counselor(s), to reset counterproductive communication dynamics, to develop a deeper sense of understanding and care for each other, to communicate in a healthy fashion and to deepen the bond between each other.

Invariably it helps reduce stress factors, trust issues, unprocessed grief and trauma related problems and creates a space for families to heal and possibly flourish.

Different Ways?

Many family therapists take to an integrative approach when working with clients, which means, they will endeavor to tap in to a number of theories and apply to their clients—what, according to their trained discretion, would serve the family best keeping in mind its particular brand of distress.

This being said, there are a few root theories and therapy models that family therapists may draw on. Some of the main models include:

Structural Therapy: Where the therapist after observing the family dynamic and other contributing factors endeavors to assist the family in doing away with old and redundant ways of processing and interacting replacing them with more productive ones.

CBT: Which is almost a rewiring (of the mind) of sorts, which is done by identifying trigger situations and behaviors that follow in an attempt to modify behaviors which are counterproductive, but have been learned over a long period of time.

Systemic Therapy: Where systemic interactions of all family members are taken into account after which the therapist endeavors to understand them in their social context, while assisting the family to make the needed changes

Narrative Therapy: Is where the focus is on individual members and their perceptions of the situation as well as delving into what they can personally do to make it better.

Lots more where that came from: Though these are just a few ways and methods that a family therapist might look to, there are a number of other philosophies and models that can be potentially integrated.

Finding the right fit

The level of skill of the counselor or therapist is also something crucial to personal healing. Make sure you find a reliable and qualified practitioner and look into any relevant information before choosing where and how to proceed!

Azizeh E. Rezaiyan provides couples therapy to facilitate discourse and conflict resolution between partners.

With an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy and being a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), she draws upon a deep understanding of family dynamics as well a number of tools and methods with which to work with the same.