What is the Point of a Separation?

Reconnecting Post Separation: 5 Things That Will Help You Heal

Divorce rates and related trends in the US have fluctuated in the past decade and a half according to statistics. Divorce is not half as much of a taboo today as it once was. At the same time this makes it no less emotionally complicated, stressful and at times heart breaking.

Deciding to get a divorce can be a pretty huge decision. About as huge as deciding to get married, frankly speaking! For this reason, people sometimes opt for a legal separation before opting for an all out divorce.

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Relationship Killers: 9 Things that Damage Relationships

Relationship Killers: 9 Things that Damage Relationships

Our intimate relationships are the stuff that can make or break us. They influence our lives, our emotional wellbeing and are powerful enough to lift us up and bring us down.

Relationships are a two way street which is why the better the two individuals in the relationship are at navigating a space, the greater the chances of it thriving and being beneficial.

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A Break from Romance: 7 Signs That You Need a Break before Getting into another Relationship

Relationships can be beautiful things as many would agree. Who would not want to have someone in their corner more times than not? Someone to laugh, live and experience with! Someone to share love, joys, and stresses with. Someone you can hold and be held by both physically and emotionally.

According to one article published by psychology today, long term relationships can actually be psychologically beneficial in many ways! It is understandable why so many of us feel like getting into a relationship might be good for us.

Is there ever a time when getting into a Relationship is Not a Good Idea?

If you’re someone who has recently exited a relationship, jumping into a new one too soon might not be a good idea. Though the right relationships can be healthy, enriching and supportive, the wrong kind can well tear a person down. Further, there are times when an individual might need other things as opposed to a relationship.

Here are 7 situations where a break from relationships might be recommended before you consider getting back into one!

You’re Still Hung up on Your Previous Partner or Your Ex

You’re Still Hung up on Your Previous Partner or Your Ex

A situation where trying to start a new relationship is discouraged is one where you are yet to get over the last person you were with. This is for two reasons.

The first is that getting into an intimate engagement before you’re over a past lover is less a relationship and more what you call a rebound. You’re in a vulnerable state and in a sense are susceptible to people engaging with you in a certain way. In other words, it is rarely about the other individual.

Secondly, going into a relationship in this partly conscious and partly committed manner means your bases are weak. A relationship with a weak base is bound to fall apart!

You Need another to Validate You

When in a relationship, we often get used to having another to validate us. This can become a habit and is definitely something we miss when we’re single. At the same time, it is important to learn to validate yourself as an adult as opposed to relying completely on someone else.

If you’re so used to being validated by another that you can’t do the same for yourself, you don’t need a relationship. You need to put in some self work!

You Can’t Stand Being on Your Own

You Can’t Stand Being on Your Own

This is a big one folks. It is important to be okay with your own company. Not being able to do so is a huge problem. With regard to relationships, if you’re not okay on your own, you risk seeking and getting into a co-dependent arrangement which is in most cases extremely unhealthy.

Learn to be by yourself and enjoy your own company before you seek to bring another into your intimate space.

You’ve not been Single in Ages

Some of us are chronic daters. This might not always be the same as love addiction but at times can overlap. Have been dating more of your sexually active life than not? Do you find that you’ve got some intimate emotional or physical arrangement to lean on for the most part? If you look back, does your patter look something like relationship, rebound, relationship, rebound, and so on? Are the periods you spent single at a stretch all less than six months?

If so, this is a clear sign that you need some time alone. Relationship addiction and chronic dating can hamper us developmentally and also sets the tone for a codependent interaction.

You Feel like You Need to Find Yourself

At times, after a relationship or string of them if not off the bat, we may feel a little personally lost. Like we’re not sure what we’re about anymore. Like we’ve forgotten about the things we loved, valued and about what made us happy.

In a sense, it may feel like we lack identity. We may feel hollow, lost or simply unable to navigate ourselves. If you’re feeling like this – like you need time to reconnect with who you are and what you’re about, you’re better off doing that single.

Find yourself before you go out looking for a significant other!

Your Recent Relationships have all been Disasters

If you have exited or ended a relationship in the not so distant past that ended badly and have similar tales of woe regarding your previous relationships as well, we know what you could do without— another relationship!

If the previous relationships you were in ended dramatically or due to reasons like partner violence, addiction or infidelity, you might want to hold up before getting into another one. You need to address the underlying causes of your problems before you approach someone to get into something. This is about their emotional (and at times physical) safety as much as is it about yours!

Your Gut Says “Not Now”

There may be times when part of you feels you’re ready to get into something but another part of you feels resistant. It is important not to ignore this instinct or gut feeling if you will!

Instead, hold up on the relationship and maybe explore what your gut is trying to tell you. Maybe there are other aspects of your life that require your attention. You will be surprised how many complications we can avoid by listening to the voice within.

Winding Down

Before you get into a relationship it helps to work on yourself. Take up a class, see a therapist or counselor and get things together. If you’re looking for a therapist or counseling center in Palo Alto, to find someone to help you navigate anxiety, depression or even relationships, we’re happy to help!

In any case, when you’re truly ready for that new relationship, you will know it!

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Anxiety Triggers: What is Making me more Anxious?

Anxiety Triggers: What is Making me more Anxious?

We have all experienced anxiety at some time or another and at varying intensities. This is perfectly normal; after all, living in the 21st century, there are ample reasons for one to be anxious! At the same time, there are also serious anxiety related disorders, four in particular which include panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and phobias.

Anxiety Triggers: What is Making me more Anxious?

When it comes to anxiety, it can strike when you least expect it. That being said, there are certain things that can serve to trigger your anxiety and make things more uncomfortable whether or on you suffer from a disorder. Here they are!

Serious Health Complications

Serious health complications are something that can make most people anxious even if you have not been diagnosed with a disorder. A serious illness has the ability to really put you on your back. What makes things worse in such situation is that if you suffer from anxiety, it is hard to ground yourself in the here and now due to your illness. Physical discomfort makes that next to impossible.

Connecting with a medical professional and being proactive about treatment may be helpful here.

Medication

Do not underestimate the effect that different medication can have on your body and on your psychological wellbeing. Medications such used for things including birth control, flu symptoms and even those used for weight loss among others can trigger anxiety as well as mild panic attacks.

If your increased anxiety coincides with the starting of new medication, maybe look into it!

Over Thinking

Over thinking and dwelling on things that cause you stress can also do well to trigger your anxiety. The mind is extremely powerful and can trigger all sorts of emotional and physical responses without us even realizing.

It helps to try not to dwell and stew over things. If you feel you are, pull away, disconnect and give yourself a break!

Stress

Stresses particularly those relating to money, family and relationships can sometimes cause anxiety. It is important to remember that there are things that we need to let go of. Things we cannot control. This is okay. If you have trouble managing stress, it helps to look into therapy or counseling to help you navigate things better.

Social Settings

If you socialize with people you are familiar, safe and comfortable with there can be nothing better. If you socialized in places and with people where you have to be on your toes and make an effort against what comes naturally, this causes much anxiety even in the absence of a disorder.

Clock how you feel when you’re hanging out with people, figure out where you’re comfortable and stick with social settings that do not exhaust you.

Personal Triggers

Last but not least, we all have personal triggers that can set off anxious responses. This could be anything from heavy traffic or loud noises to clutter spaces or certain animals.

If you have personal anxiety triggers, it is recommended that you work on them with a therapist.

Winding Down

There are other things that may trigger your anxiety but the ones above are the most common. If you’re looking for a counseling center in Palo Alto, we’re here to support you. Just remember, regardless of what you struggle with, there is help out there!

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