When you feel a little bit lost and alone in life, it’s natural to look at your past relationships and wonder what went wrong. Every time a relationship ends, it leaves you feeling like you made a mistake at first, but you soon realize what it means to come to terms with it.

It might have been an important lesson to learn and grow from. California happens to be a state inhabited by a majority of single people and a large portion of the population plans to keep it that way. It’s also interesting to observe that there’s a trend to opt for cohabitation as opposed to marriage for those that do want to settle down eventually.

Are we moving towards being a jaded generation?

While it’s easy to identify aspects in the relationship that didn’t work for you, it’s much harder to look inwards and figure out areas of growth for yourself.

For example, poor communication skills can be a red flag that you need to a) look out for in a new relationship and

b) Work on for your personal growth

Why is it important to learn how to communicate?

• Ask yourself if you use your inability to communicate as a means to avoid confrontation or impulsively end relationships simply because you don’t know how to talk about your feelings.
• Communication habits are most often learned behavior and if we grew up in households or environments where we observed our caregivers bottling up their feelings, it can be difficult to know what the other side is.
• Healthy relationships thrive when both partners are able to talk to the other without the struggle of walking on eggshells.
• It also makes it easier to confront dilemmas because you don’t have to be afraid of how your partner will react; rather, you work as a team to approach the problem.
• Moreover, you learn how to set boundaries with people to protect your emotional space and not end up being a people pleaser.
• Here are ways you can practice better communication in your relationships to have tough conversations.

 Set limits assertively

This is where you work to find out where you draw the line. If there are certain things that trigger you, be it emotional, mental, physical or spiritual, name them for yourself. If something stresses you out, don’t brush it under the rug but bring it to your partner’s attention.

Get in touch with your feelings

Watch out for cues that you’re not upholding your boundaries. These can look like discomfort and resentment. The latter comes from a place where you feel unappreciated or even taken for granted.

Allow yourself to set boundaries

Setting boundaries for personal space, whether it’s physical or emotional, comes with a lot of guilt for most of us. You need to be able to give yourself permission to proceed to do it anyway so you can prioritize your self-respect in the process.

Ask for support

Initially it’s completely normal to need to ask for support when setting boundaries. There’s a lot you can learn from asking for help from a loved one, close friend, confidante. You can even consider a personal counselor to help you manage your anxiety about setting boundaries with a partner.

Learn tools to communicate better with Azizeh Rezaiyan at Silicon Valley Marriage Counseling with marriage counseling or premarital counseling services in the Bay Area. Call (650) 206-9973 to schedule a free 20-minutes consultation.