Being in a relationship is hard work. Having spent all our lives being told to live independently, it often comes as a shock to many when they realize that now; we’ll have to think about someone else as passionately as we think about ourselves. (more…)
Depression is not a gender-centric illness. Affecting men and women, depression continues to take a toll on around 350 million people worldwide. (more…)
There really is no ceiling to the number of things a qualified and competent couple’s therapist could help you out with. (more…)
For many today, navigating the relational landscape of a marriage can be slightly taxing or confusing.
This is not to say that marriage is not a good thing. This is just saying that any good thing requires a degree of work and effort in order to blossom. Relationships and marriage are no different in this respect. (more…)
Each person comes into a relationship with certain expectations; when those expectations aren’t met, it results in conflicts. No two people think the same, no matter how many things in common they have, and that’s why there are bound to be problems in any relationship. (more…)
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What Couples Should Know Before Seeking It Out? (more…)
Broadly speaking, there are numerous reasons why experts believe relationships do not work out. The failing of a relationship for whatever reason can be anything from disappointing to downright traumatic. (more…)
As parents, we do a lot of silly things because let’s face it, we’re still learning, too! That being said, out of all the things we could possibly do to damage our children, fighting in front of them is definitely up there.
Though it is perfectly normal for parents to have points of contention between them from time to time, the way these are dealt with is important. Even when conflict seems unmanageable between two partners, taking part in activities like couples counselling can help mitigate damages. This also help prevent extra drama from unfolding in front of the children.
Of course you aren’t fighting them. Many parents flaunt the old argument, “I might fight with my partner but I never take it out on the kids”. The fact of the matter is whether you realize it or not, where your kids are concerned, you are doing damage.
There are numerous way in which fighting with each other in front of your children effects them as proven by research. Here are some of them.
A child’s sense of safety comes partly from stability between the parents and within the home. When your kids see you fighting, that sense of security is threatened. No matter how much you reassure them, actions speak louder.
If the home environment does not feel safe, neither does the child. Damage is done.
Children often feel that they are they cause for their parents fighting. They cannot comprehend or appreciate the deeper dynamics associated with such things and hence chalk it up to it being their fault.
This creates feelings of low self-esteem and worthlessness that carry forward well into adulthood if not addressed.
Let’s face it, none of us are our best when we’re losing our tempers or in the middle of a fight. We say ugly things and sometimes behave just as badly.
For a child, you’re basically tearing down their image of acceptable and replacing it with acceptance of the most toxic behaviors. You normalize the worst of yourself.
The kind of stress and trauma that a child experiences when parents fight can only really be appreciated by the child going through it and the adult in therapy. It is so much that it makes them develop unhealthy interactions, coping mechanisms and behaviors just to get by.
As children, this might look like bad personal hygiene, erratic behavior, a drop in grades or increased aggression.
As adults, what these look like is dysfunction, problems with rage, mood disorders, depression and addiction to name a few.
When children see parents fighting time and again, two things happen. One, they have trouble trusting love and affection. Two, they associate intimacy with conflict.
These subconscious realizations, or changes, result in high levels of dysfunction in future relationships and family life.
Sometimes we do things because we, ourselves have had a hard time growing up. Maybe our parents were not as well informed as we were.
As adults, we are well informed and highly aware. Further, the tools by which to change and better ourselves are available to us.
Counselling can help us unravel damages that have been done and ensure that our childhood traumas do not continue to hurt us and those we care about. If you’re looking for a reliable therapist who works with anxiety and conductsrelationship and family counselling sessions in Palo Alto, you have options.
Azizeh E. Rezaiyan is a highly qualified and licensed therapist working with both English and Farsi speaking clients with over two decades of experience with individuals and couples alike.
Whether your goal is to find a new sense of value in your motives and abilities; or to use couples therapy to improve communication between yourself and your spouse, I can help start the healing process.
Location: 825 San Antonio Road, Suite 206, Palo Alto, CA 94303
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