From Wedding Vows to Wedding Woes: What Went Wrong?

The average cost of an American wedding is $35,329, as reported by CNN. However, it takes a lot more than the perfect décor and three-course menus to make a marriage work. Couples often find themselves feeling discontent and unhappy a short while after getting married.

Here are three things that tend to negatively affect your relationship with your spouse.

Lack of Respect

A relationship that lacks mutual respect can’t thrive. If you have a habit of badmouthing your spouse in front of family and friends, or feel that they don’t speak respectfully to you, then that’s a red flag you should address ASAP.

Both partners should hold the other in high regard and speak to each other kindly. If one or both of you disrespect the other in public or private, then that communicates that you don’t value them; this can cause resentment in your marriage.

Dishonesty & Mistrust

We can’t stress upon this enough: you need to be completely open and honest in your marriage. If one or both of the spouses keep things from each other, lie, or don’t take them in confidence, then it creates mistrust in the marriage. Deceit and dishonesty have no room in a marriage, and keeping secrets or uttering lies will shake the very foundation of your relationship.

For instance, do you tend to make major life decisions entirely on your own without consulting your spouse? Is there something you’ve been keeping from your partner? Have they been lying to you about their smoking habits or work-related issues? If you aren’t honest with your spouse and don’t trust them with your things, then this can create a distant relationship.

Unwillingness toward Experiencing New Things

We all like familiarity and consistency in our relationships. Having certain things you can always fall back on and consider as constant forces help us stay grounded. However, getting too comfortable with your fixed routine or way of doing things can also become monotonous.

While you may be perfectly content with the way things are, your partner may wish to explore other options. For instance, if you always go to the same restaurants on date nights, why not try something new for a change? Or instead of watching TV after dinner every evening, play a board game instead or go out for a stroll. It’s important that you break away from your routine every now and then and experience new things together.

You don’t have to have the exact same interests as your spouse. However, it’s worth trying new things and activities with them—even if you’re not particularly interested in them—to keep the adventure alive. An unwillingness to do so will diminish the excitement and thrill in your marriage and will make it dull and boring.

Have you been making any of these mistakes in your marriage? It’s not too late to fix them!

Silicon Valley Marriage Counseling provides couples counseling, marriage counseling, and family mediation services in the Bay Area. Make an appointment with us now!