Male depression is often related to failure in relationships. Before looking into family or relationship counseling, there are a few things to bear in mind!
Many of us relate the idea of love to something we saw in a Disney film.
Exciting, consistently rich and thick confessions (often verbal) of love, dramatic (in the moment) sacrifice, fierce unconditional commitment, constant mutual support if not utter coddling, and of course, the perfect setting, i.e. just when you notice the moon is right and your eyes meet, fireflies emerge from the bushes to facilitate that one sweet kiss!
Truth Be Told…
Of course, our relationships can be all the things mentioned above (except maybe the bit with the fireflies), but it is important to bear in mind that the lives we live often throw curveballs at us.
Sometimes, we might not have the energy to make grandiose gestures. At times like these, it is important to be accepting and understanding of each other and each other’s humanity!
The second thing to remember is that the honeymoon period is not meant to last. Further, its end does, by no means, signify the end of the relationship; rather a transition into something more grounded and dare we say, real!
What does one do with that?
What do all organisms to do ensure survival?
The same can be said here. If the honeymoon period is finally over, you don’t toss the relationship…you evolve! You readjust!
Here are just some tried and tested ways to get you started!
Don’t freak out
Just because the relationship is changing form does not mean it is falling apart. Deal with whatever changes coming your way with an open mind.
If someone who has always been blown away by you suddenly expresses a grievance, take it for what it is.
A minor point of contention, not a signal that your relationship is in peril! Similarly, people in long term relationships will and do bicker every now and then and that is fine and not a cause to freak out.
We often avoid a lot of needless distress and conflict by being mindful as opposed to addressing things from a place of panic!
A Re-courting of Sorts
When was the last time the two of you just got some time away together?
When was the last time you tried out a new activity or even had a conversation without taking the other and their opinions for granted?
Make the effort (yes, effort) to get involved with each other again. People change and maybe there are things about your partner that have changed and you have yet to hear about!
The most relatable comparison is the effort you make when courting someone. The devotion with which we delve into the lives and minds of new romantic interests! Use some of those skills on your partner!
One of the biggest misconceptions among couples is that we don’t need to keep working on those we love and what we share with them. Take your partner out, actually hear what they are saying and make the effort to be appreciative, caring and intimate as you would with someone you just met and were attracted to!
Be kind to yourself
Yes, this might sound overrated but it is extremely important to be kind to yourself.
If you need space or time alone, don’t grudge yourself a day off where you and your partner just take time to reconnect with the things you used to enjoy before you got together! This will help you feel more at ease, and give you both something to talk about when you are around each other.
No Shame in Counseling
The pointers above are just a few ways in which you could revive the excitement and love in your relationship post the honeymoon period.
This being said, at times, despite our best efforts we seem to have trouble reconnecting. Often this has a lot to do with how we are conditioned to communicate which is where counseling comes in!
Azizeh E. Rezaiyan provides couples therapy to facilitate discourse and conflict resolution between partners.
With an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy and being a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), she draws upon a deep understanding of family dynamics as well a number of tools and methods with which to work with the same.
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