Sex is a three-letter word that everyone has a different reaction to. Some people love the thought of it no matter what the time or place; others are repulsed by it for various reasons. More people still are indifferent; some aren’t getting enough while others have no idea about it beyond the basics, treating it as an act of procreation.
If you’re among the hundreds of thousands of couples whose sex life has taken a backseat, or doesn’t feel as fiery and passionate as it did when you first started out, there’s nothing wrong with you—or your relationship.
Then why has my sex life become this way?
There could be innumerable reasons and factors that contribute to this!
From health issues and changes, such as hormonal imbalances or dealing with a disease, illness or condition, to giving birth and raising kids and/or aging. Sometimes it’s about more than a reason because life just gets busy and tiring, and you don’t think twice about a little bedroom romance or pillow talk.
The silver lining
They say strike while the iron—and your beau—is hot. The timing couldn’t be more perfect to work on your sex and intimacy as a couple, given that COVID-19 and the stay-at-home orders have put a hold on the various commitments we have in our daily lives.
Couples are spending a lot of time at home, and while this can get frustrating after a while, you can choose to work on the positive potential instead. For a lot of people, sex can help combat stress and provide comfort in what’s otherwise a very distressing phase to be in.
Intimacy in general and sex, in particular, are not solely about your physical needs. Their needs to be a balance of communication and comfort and shared respect for it to be fulfilling.
Although social and physical distancing is recommended during this time, if you and your beloved are healthy, and have no real exposure, you can safely be intimate and have sex. Vaginal fluids or semen have also not been known to transmit the virus.
Some of the best ways to reignite that spark and bring back that dying flame are:
Start afresh—discover and explore each other
You might know your partner’s body inside out, knowing their weak spots, pleasure points, favorite positions and have the formula for a guaranteed orgasm down to a tee. But that’s probably what’s holding you back!
Discover your bodies together like it’s the first time; explore, touch, feel, do whatever you like, and work on finding new ways to pleasure your partner. From finding new spots and pleasure sources to tantalizing the old ones innovatively, there’s a lot to try!
Build pace and rhythm—and go easy on the quickies
Quickies can be exciting and a great way to add spontaneity to your relationship, like sneaking one in the bathroom or before work, for instance. However, when all you seem to have are quickies, in bed, where you have space and time, there’s a problem.
Take time to slow it down, build a rhythm, set a pace, and get down and dirty without having to rush it. It’s all about balance because quickies shouldn’t be a norm in the bedroom, but it can be great when you’re outside it, like in the living room or laundry room or other private spots around the house.
Focus on non-sexual touch
Non-sexual touch is something we often take for granted and dismiss its value and worth.
It’s not always about turning your partner on or for touch to result in sex. Sometimes it’s about the act of contact itself. Massages, spooning, caressing, hair playing, hand-holding, cuddling—all of these are great ways to improve your sexual intimacy and healthy for you as a couple.
It can be hard to get back on the saddle if it’s been a while, or things have gotten monotonous. It isn’t easy to talk about your fantasies, kinks, pleasures, even with the person you’re meant to be intimate with.
It could help to consult a sex therapist. I offer my relationship counseling services to couples in Palo Alto, and you can always reach out to me! I can help you work on being more sex-positive and on building a healthy intimacy. Find my contact details here and call for a free initial 20-minute consultation over the phone.