A new—or even long-term—relationship can hold a lot of value for most of us. When you’re starry-eyed and smitten, freshly bitten by the lovebug. Your partner is the most beautiful, selfless, loving person you know, and they sweep you off your feet with grand gestures and romantic good morning texts.
The honeymoon phase is an all too real part of many relationships, especially when they’re starting out. Sometimes, however, the grandeur is only covering up the rot inside.
Each of us has different reasons for being in a relationship, apart from the emotional or sexual aspect of it. Sometimes, we cling on from sheer loneliness, other times because we’re too afraid to leave. We end up ignoring some major red flags as a result of that. Let’s talk about some of the most common red flags we often ignore.
They put you on a pedestal
For a relationship to work, you need to acknowledge that both of you are human. While your partner can think of you as the most wonderful person they’ve ever known, it’s unfair to paint you as a perfect person. Not only is that unfair to you, but it also puts pressure on your relationship. There has to be room for mistakes and growth.
The sexual chemistry is mismatched
Do you feel like nothing more than a warm body for them? Or do you feel unwanted and depressed because of your inability to have a fulfilling sex life? Is the sex you have healthy, fully consensual, and exciting? Are you satisfied, or are they selfish?
These are all important factors when looking at why some relationships don’t work. Sex is a human need for a lot of people, and when there’s bitterness in bed, it will impact your relationship outside.
They can’t seem to respect your boundaries
This covers all aspects; physical, emotional, personal, and mental boundaries. Do they show up to your workplace or try to interfere in your other relationships? Do they say hurtful things repeatedly, or play mind games that leave you doubting yourself? Do they violate physical boundaries despite being asked not to? Your partner does not see you as a whole, or as a separate person if they’re disrespectful to your boundaries.
Your friends and family aren’t too fond of them
Sometimes even when your gut is telling you to run, you ignore it. Intuition is easy to confuse with fear, which is why we’re so likely to ignore it. But listening to your gut is important, as is listening to important friends and family members.
It’s natural for people who love you to feel protective, and we often resist that because it gets stifling, but if multiple friends and family members are uncomfortable or concerned for you because of your relationship, step back and reconsider. Hear them out on what they have to say.
They’re unwilling to meet you halfway
Relationships are built on trust and compromise. If your partner is controlling and insecure and unwilling to compromise, you’re in for some trouble. If there is no compromise from your partner, it’s time to walk away.
You can’t always be the one who’s making the sacrifices and compromises, whether it’s a career switch or moving cities.
They’re violent or abusive
We all define love in different ways; each of us experiences it in a new light. Each relationship adds a sense of value too. However, a partner that’s violent and abusive—physically, mentally, or emotionally—is unlikely to change.
The way cheaters are likely to cheat again; abusive partners do not change no matter how much they claim to love you.
Some relationships are worth salvaging, while others are better left buried.
As a relationship counselor, I can help you work through some of the issues. If you’re someone who feels stuck and unable to leave abusive and toxic relationships, my depression and anxiety counseling sessions may be of help. I offer my counseling sessions in Bay Area and Palo Alto.