The Patriarchal Structure Argument

Dating Across Generations: Why Do Women Marry Men who are far older?

The world of dating is diverse to say the least and we’re not just talking about the options available to those in the dating pool. We’re talking about dating and sometimes settling down with people who may be twenty years or so older.

Where those engaged in such relationships find such cross-generational relationships perfectly acceptable, there are others who may raise eyebrows and question what is behind all this.

The question; do age differences really mean anything and why do some women become attracted to men decades older?

The Psychology Behind it From What We Know

We have published another blog with a similar title focused on men and why they date women who are far younger. This blog, however, focuses on the matter from a woman’s perspective. What reasons could lie behind a woman wanting to marry or date a man twenty years or more her senior?

The Patriarchal Structure Argument

One reason why some women may find themselves drawn or attracted to men who are far older might have a bit to do with patriarchal culture. Where patriarchy among other things may objectify women as prizes to be won and owned, the same links the worth of a man with economic and social prosperity.

Many older men found whom younger women find attractive, are not just that—they are accomplished. They may be successful business people, famous celebrities, accomplished artists, and so on. Men of ‘status’ and ‘stature’ as someone I was once working with coined them as.

Such cross-generational attraction is rooted in the sociological structures of patriarchy and the tying in of a man’s worth to his professional prowess and ability to earn and provide. The subtle psychological effect of this on many women is attraction to such men even if they are a good twenty or thirty years older!

The Unresolved Father Baggage

Another situation where certain women may find themselves drawn or attracted to men far older is when there is unresolved baggage, usually relating to the male parent present. This could be anything from the result of abuse to simply some kind of misplaced admiration and parent worship.

In such cases, older men who give off the “dad” vibe so to speak, are perceived as appealing and worthy of attention or approach.

A Genuine Case of Meaningful Connection

There are, however, times when a relationship between a man and a woman with a significant age gap can actually be due to the presence of a strong and meaningful connection. This is more common with women who are about forty years and above. Women who have actually processed a lot of their stuff and made a decision based on commonality or compatibility.

This is probably the healthiest example of a relationship where a large generation gap exists.

Why am I Attracted to Much Older Men?

You might be someone who after reading this and looking back at your relational history or patterns could find yourself wondering why you have been attracted to men much older for the most part. Alternatively, you could be in a situation where you have recently been engaging with a man who is far older and are begging to feel attracted to him or are engaging in some form of intimacy.

Your reasons for choosing a partner such can only be made clear if explored in therapy. Where the examples above stand to paint a framework which help us understand the psychological intricacies regarding such matters, they do not apply as they are across the board.

Therapy Does Help

Your reasons are specific to you and may be a combination of or similar to those stated above. The only way you will really know, if you explore the matter with a professional therapist or counsellor.

For those located in Palo Alto, our counseling center Silicon Valley Marriage Counseling offers you access to the kind of support you need to gain the clarity you require. If you want to make sure you’re in it for the right reasons, connect with us and we’ll explore what is what and get right to the bottom of things!

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