A man and woman sitting on opposite ends of a sofa

How to Begin Recovering from an Affair

Recovering from an affair is complicated. It’s a betrayal of your trust from one of the most significant people in your life. Moreover, it’s followed by immense emotional turmoil and the prospect of losing this person.

While healing is probably on your mind, beginning the process is difficult and uncertain. You’re not sure where to begin, and even if you are, it’s hard to come out of your emotional tumult and take the first step. Continue reading for a glimpse into how to start the process and what it’s like.


Before you begin recovering, you need to know what you want from your marriage. Thoughts of leaving and staying with your significant other are likely competing for attention in your mind.

While there isn’t healing in this step, it helps determine the path your recovery takes. If you want to work through this with your significant other, your recovery path will differ from someone who opts for a divorce. In any case, the bulk of this reflection will take place in the next step.

Seek Therapy

Initially, it may be better for you to seek couples therapy. You can voice your previous reflections to your significant other and therapist. Your significant other can voice their issues, and your therapist can help you both work through them. Moreover, both you and your significant other need to let out all your secrets and problems. Recovery is hard when you’re being deceived or don’t know all the facts.

This is a long and uncomfortable process. It will take time to develop the resilience to listen to your significant other’s confessions. It will also take time for them to let the truth out. There will be many arguments, but a good marriage therapist will help both of you progress. The important part is to let yourself be vulnerable and honest.


A person holding their head in pain while sitting on a chair and table

Clear communication is essential during and outside of therapy. Whether you stay with or leave your significant other, you should always uphold clear communication.

Uncovering relationship problems requires communication. You need to set boundaries and voice your discomfort to your significant other, and they need to reciprocate. This involves asking them to cut off the person with whom they had an affair. Clear communication will help adequately address problems and prevent them from growing.

Therapy can help you refocus your thoughts and figure out what you want to do. If you want to stay with your significant other, it can help you work through the problems. If you want to leave, it can give you closure and help you formulate a roadmap for your future.

If you’re in Palo Alto, contact me at Silicon Valley Marriage Counseling. My name is Azizeh Rezaiyan, and I offer marriage and infidelity therapy. Get in touch, and I’ll help you organize your thoughts and emotions and help you move forward.

    Leave a Comment