A person holding various vibrators and sex toys against a purple backdrop.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Fetishes and Kinks

Sex is a wonderful thing and an essential part of human connection and relationships, but there’s a world beyond the kind of sex most of us are exposed to throughout our lives. Vanilla sex, as it’s often referred to, is wonderful in its own ways, but there’s so much more to explore apart from that.

It’s even more exciting when you have a partner you love, trust, and want to share this experience with. But it’s difficult to broach the subject even in the most otherwise adventurous, loving, and nurturing relationships.

So how do you go about sharing your kinks and fetishes with your partner? Here are some tips to keep in mind:

Put out feelers for the discussion

Start small and be smart with how you bring it up. Put out feelers through film, TV, books, or casual conversation, so you know how your partner feels about it or that they know you’re thinking about these things. It’s probably unfamiliar and unusual for both of you if you’ve never experimented with each other before, so go slow.

A well-placed photo of a butt-plug surrounded by cherries.

Be clear when communicating

Find the right moment and communicate clearly and effectively. You don’t want to overwhelm your partner or push them away, or even scare them. If you’re into bondage, your partner may shy away or feel worried, so the key is to remain positive and affirmative and communicate your desires, limitations, and more.

Give them space to process and understand

Your partner may not react or respond the way you want at first, but it’s important to give them space to process the information you’ve shared. Let them know you’re open to answering any questions they have and that you’re willing to work to find a middle ground or starting point that they’d be comfortable with.

This will give them the reassurance they need and the room to feel more at ease. They will feel welcome to try and move at their own pace.

If you’re looking to work with a therapist who understands the complexities of human relationships and sexuality, reach out to us. Azizeh E. Rezaiyan is one of the best relationship counselors in Palo Alto and specializes in sexuality counseling for couples too. Contact us today to know more about our services and how we can help you strengthen and improve your relationship.

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