Losing That Spark

Losing That Spark? Living in a Marriage Without Any Physical Contact

When you first get married, you couldn’t seem to keep your hands off your partner. Everyone around you may have noticed that you two are inseparable, always around each other, and constantly maintaining physical contact.

Over time, though, this feeling may dwindle. Losing the spark in your relationship isn’t unheard of; most couples experience this lack of effort as your familiarity with your partner increases. The thrill of the initial months tends to subside and is replaced with “real-world” troubles. Jobs, children, family, and finances can drive a wedge between couples.

Whether it’s conscious or not, maintaining a physical distance from your partner only tends to get worse with time if both of you don’t address—and work to reform—it.

How do you know you’ve lost the spark?

It can manifest in a number of ways; you and your partner may share less physical and emotional intimacy, you stop saying ‘I love you’ to one another, and you may even find yourselves fighting a lot more.

In some cases, you may completely maintain physical distance from each other because you know that all your interactions will end up in the same arguments you always have.

The gradual process of losing the spark in your relationship may be exacerbated when couples opt to separate their bedrooms from each other entirely. It starts slowly, with the physical distance growing as time passes, and finally ends in partners choosing not to sleep in the same bed.

How do you know you’ve lost the spark?

How it’s damaging

You may not even notice it happening but years of being in the same relationship tends to make people complacent to their needs and the work it requires to maintain a relationship. Over time, the lack of physical intimacy creates a wedge between you and your spouse. There’s only so much this void can be filled with conversation and emotional intimacy.


Without something as simple as holding the hand of your partner, your attraction to your partner tends to fade. This is what most couples find to be the breaking point that leads to infidelity in a relationship. When people feel they aren’t receiving satisfaction from their partners, they tend to seek it elsewhere.

Growing emotional distance

The lack of a physical connection with your partner can reduce the amount of intimacy you two share. Emotional distance can grow between you two and you may find it difficult to relate to each other. The lack of physical affection between partners often leads to conflicts and fights between them as well.

Letting yourself go

While your love for your spouse isn’t just skin deep, physical attraction is an important aspect of a relationship. When you don’t expect any sexual encounters with your partner, you may find it futile to engage in a healthy lifestyle. Comfort in a relationship is a good thing but it can be damaging when it leads to complacency.

Marriages are hard work. You can’t have a perfect marriage without putting in the necessary effort to sustain a healthy relationship. Sometimes, you need the help of a third person to walk you through your troubles.

If you’re looking for a counseling center in Palo Alto, California, Silicon Valley Marriage Counseling’s counselor, Azizeh E. Rezaiyan, can help you. With a proven track record of over two decades, she is certified in assisting couples through their troubles.

Whether you’re seeking family mediation, marriage counseling, or pre-marital counseling, her experience equips her to deal with anything. Contact us to book an appointment.

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