Finding out that your partner has cheated on you is perhaps one of the most traumatic experiences anyone can go through. I believe that loving someone is a choice and when you’re emotionally invested in another person, in many ways it’s a process where you attach a certain amount of meaning to them. In a loving relationship, people attach value judgments to their significant others that have the same significance as the very ground beneath them.
Moving On after You’ve Been Cheated On
Your emotions after finding out you’ve been cheated on can be confusing, most times it’s a pendulum that goes from sadness to anger and then back again. In this emotional turbulence, you’ll find it difficult to focus your thoughts but the healing process is often long and winding before you feel okay. The good bit is that you will feel like yourself eventually, as impossible as it might sound.
Don’t Dwell On Your Relationship
Overanalyzing your own actions or those of your partners will only have you stuck in a cycle of passing on the blame for the failure of the relationship. Overthinking and continuously wondering about the incident will leave you stuck in the same rut that you’re trying to overcome. Identifying thought patterns and consciously avoiding them is the first path to moving on.
Don’t Romanticize the Relationship
Idealizing your relationship isn’t what you want to do if you’re trying to move on. If you’re thinking of all the good times and the happy moments will stop you from processing your emotions, it will also set you up for a fall all over again to send you into a spiral of sadness.
Don’t Rush the Healing Process
A lot of people think that they can move on by simply replacing the person who cheated on them. They rush back into the dating game, without considering that it doesn’t always succeed. In this process, they might form toxic relationships or if they fail to find a new partner, they’d think how their previous partner was better for them.
Don’t Blame Yourself
Sadness can turn into guilt really fast. Especially if you’re overanalyzing the failures of the relationship, you will magnify any instances you perceive were to be damaging to the relationship. It’s a short step from there to thinking that you are the reason your partner cheated, but that’s just unfair to yourself.
Although what happened to your relationship isn’t your fault, realize that you are the only one responsible for your happiness. Consider this as a learning experience and try to improve the ways in which you make relationship decisions. Give yourself credit where it’s due but also hold yourself accountable for any mistake you might have made, even if it’s for your choice of partner.
I, Azizeh Rezaiyan am a marriage counsellor at Silicon Valley Marriage Counselling. My practice is based out of Palo Alto in the Bay Area, where I offer anxiety treatments, couple’s counselling and family mediation services. Visit my website today for more information on my services or to make an appointment for your therapy needs.