Everyone feels jealous from time to time. It is a perfectly normal human emotion. If you’re in an intimate relationship with someone, feelings of jealousy are almost inevitable, especially if you feel very strongly about your significant other. That said, jealously can become problematic if it becomes more intense and frequent; if you let it overwhelm and overpower you. It will negatively affect your wellbeing and the health of your relationship.
This is why, learning to deal and manage feelings of jealousy is crucial to maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Here’s how you can go about it.
Focus on Where Your Jealousy Leads You
Certain issues in our lives stir up particular thoughts, feelings, images, and sensations. Reflecting on these is useful when we feel jealous in a relationship. Think about whether the current scenario lead you to think about a previous relationship or family dynamic. Does it lead you think about a negative self-perception? Your feelings and emotions come from somewhere and it’s likely that they are rooted in past events. Think about how they connect to your relationship in the present day.
Calm Yourself Down and Practice Self-Compassion
Despite feelings of jealousy, you can always come back to yourself and soften such harsh feelings. The first step in doing this is to accept your emotions with compassion. Such feelings do tend to pass no matter how strongly we may feel them in the moment. Acknowledging your jealousy without acting on those feelings is important. It’s crucial that you calm yourself down after feeling bouts of jealousy.
Cultivate Your Own Sense of Security
It’s important to understand that a lot of our jealous feelings and the anger and pain that accompany them are rooted in feelings of insecurity. What that means is that we need to learn to conquer the voice in our head that keeps putting us down. Telling us we aren’t good enough. All of us have our limitations and flaws, but it’s important to acknowledge and understand them to have better lives.
If you feel like you and your partner need to iron out deep-seated issues, you should consider visiting a professional couples’ counselor.
Azizeh Rezaiyan is an experienced therapist based in Palo Alto. She specializes in couples counseling, anxiety therapy, and male depression treatment. She is currently offering a special discount to all individuals, couples, and family counseling clients.