Couples that have been together for several years will go through plenty of ups and downs. If they’re both committed to the relationship, they’ll find ways to make it work. Sexual attraction is one area where many couples struggle. The lack of intimacy can cause partners to drift apart and call it quits.
If you’re no longer attracted to your partner but still want to make the relationship work, ask yourselves the following questions:
1. Did Something About Your Partner Change?
It’s very common for married couples to not only begin neglecting their partners but also their selves. Think about the early days of a relationship and the effort you used to make to impress your partner. Whether it was the way you dressed or the things you did for each other, you probably put a lot more effort in it earlier than you do now.
With time, people start taking their spouses for granted and no longer put in the effort they used to look good their partners.
Think about how your partner has changed with time. What is different about them now? Are there things that you are physically put off by?
If yes, then don’t keep it to yourself. Be vocal and tell your partner how you’re feeling.
2. Do You Feel Sexual Attraction At All?
Sometimes it’s not even your partner’s fault that you’re no longer attracted to them sexually. You have to ask yourself whether or not you have sexual desire. The lack of sexual desire can happen due to a number of reasons including both medical and psychological issues.
You may be taking medication that is impacting your libido or have an underlying condition that you aren’t aware of. If there’s no reason physical reason behind your lack of sexual desire, consider meeting with a trained sexologist to help out.
3. Are You Still Attracted To An Ex?
Sometimes even after we’ve ended things with our ex, we still haven’t managed to put an end to the attraction we feel for them. Our attraction to someone from our past can prevent us from wanting someone else because our sexual desire is still focused on our ex.
If this is what you’re experiencing, then your current partner isn’t at fault. You have to figure out how to detach yourself from the past. Severing all ties with your partner is necessary for you to move on and ignite sexual desire for others.
Working with a therapist individually or as a couple can help you get past your troubles. A couple’s counselor can help you be vocal with your partner so you can openly tell them about what they need to do to help you out. This includes everything from telling them about bad habits they have to change, to things they can do to turn you on.
Azizeh Rezaiyan is a marriage counsellor at Silicon Valley Marriage Counselling based in Palo Alto in the Bay Area. Azizeh is an expert at couple’s counselling, family meditation, anxiety treatments and other psychotherapy treatments.
Call (650) 206-9973 to book an appointment.